As an adolescent within the late ’90s, Esme Bianco was an enormous Marilyn Manson fan. The 16-year-old had posters of him on her bedroom wall up London and taped pictures of him to her lunchbox. At the time, she was handling a friend’s recent suicide, and Manson’s music was the soundtrack to her dark feelings. Bianco’s parents wouldn’t let her attend his shows, but she would hear his Mechanical Animals album on repeat, belting out the lyrics about feeling numb and scribbling them in her notebooks. In high school, she even dated a Manson look-alike, who wore the singer’s signature white-and-black makeup.

Seven years later, when Bianco got the prospect to satisfy Manson face to face, she was thrilled. But she says the encounter led to years of psychological torment and violence that derailed her acting career and left her with physical scars and PTSD. She says he went from being a massive model who really helped me through some incredibly dark and difficult times as a teenager to a monster who almost destroyed me and almost destroyed numerous women.

Bianco is that the latest voice to hitch the chorus of girls accusing Manson, born Brian Hugh Warner, of sexual abuse. within the past fortnight, quite a dozen, including the actress Evan Rachel Wood, have come to the fore on social media with allegations that include being drugged, tied up, and physically harmed by the singer. Since then Manson record label, Loma Vista Recordings his longtime manager, and his talent agency CAA have all dropped him. Bianco provided me with emails text messages, and pictures from her time with Manson. A lawyer for the singer didn’t answer an in-depth request for comment about her claims. Last week, Manson called earlier allegations against him horrible distortions of reality and accused the ladies of misrepresenting intimate, consensual relationships with like-minded partners.

That’s not how Bianco sees it. She first came forward as an abuse survivor in 2019, testifying ahead of the California Assembly to assist in reform domestic-violence laws. At the time, she wasn’t able to name Manson. But now, she wants to inform her story fully. It’s really surreal, she says over Zoom from her l. a. front room. The 38-year-old redhead flies her glasses and wipes away a tear. Talking about Manson sends her body into flight mode, but more recently, it also fills her with what she calls a dragonlike strength. I have this hot energy and power in my chest. I just want to open my mouth and be like and rain fire down, she tells me, protruding her tongue and waving both hands.

It’s a strength Bianco says she didn’t have while playing Ros, a personality on Game of Thrones who works during a brothel and is abused in ways in which mirror the actress’s personal life. Like Ros, Bianco’s alleged abuse often had an audience: members of Manson’s entourage who now say they witnessed his angry outbursts and Bianco’s bruises, alongside the fans and industry executives who dismissed the singer’s violent comments about women as just a neighborhood of his stage persona. He’s told the planet time and time again, This is who I say, Bianco. He hid in plain sight.

Bianco met Manson in 2005 through his then-fiancee, Dita Von Teese. Both women are burlesque performers, and Von Teese said the rocker wanted to satisfy Bianco. I was like, proof she says, miming an explosion from her brain with both hands. She says Manson wanted to cast her in Phantasmagoria, the horror film he had planned to form supported the works of Carroll. She couldn’t believe it. I thought, My teen idol wants to figure with me. Don’t eff this one up.

They saw one another face to face a couple of times, and Bianco even visited Von Teese and Manson at their range in L.A. After his marriage led to 2007, Manson kept in-tuned with Bianco. they might exchange sometimes-flirty emails I could always be cheered up with previously-forbidden nude photos he wrote to her that February but she says their relationship was platonic. Bianco got married a subsequent year. (Von Teese’s representative didn’t answer an invitation for comment last week, she said that she was processing the news and wouldn’t be commenting further.

Their dynamic changed in 2009 after Manson sent Bianco an airplane ticket from her range in London to L.A. so she could star in the music video for his song I Want to Kill you wish they are doing within the Movies. He explained that it might be shot on a Flip camera for a home-video feel and would involve Manson kidnapping Bianco in his home. I got to have a victim/lover, he wrote in an email. Bianco believed that the work would be strictly professional. You are gonna need to pretend to love being manhandled by me.

Sorry, Manson emailed her a couple of days before the shoot. Once she arrived, she says, the road between art and reality immediately blurred. Bianco who was 26 at the time, says she spent subsequent three days in lingerie, barely sleeping or eating with Manson serving up cocaine instead of food. She remembers him losing his temper and throwing the camera at a fire alarm. Soon she says he became violent, tying her with cables to a prayer kneeler, lashing her with a whip, and using an electrical sex toy called a Violet Wand on her wounds an equivalent quite torture device Wood has said was used on her. Bianco was terrified but tried to settle down by telling herself, It’s just Manson being theatrical. We are getting to make great art.

While expecting her flight back home, Bianco sobbed. She felt sad to go away from Manson and thought of her wounds to be proof of their bond. On some level, she knew what had happened wasn’t BDSM she says they hadn’t discussed consent or safe words, which she knew from both personal experiences and therefore the fetish performers in her circle were crucial for safe power dynamics. a couple of days after the shoot, Manson emailed Bianco an image of her back covered in welts with a note reading bringing sexy back.

Friends thought it had been strange that Bianco, who had been so excited to shoot the music video didn’t want to speak about it much after she got home. Her former roommate, Hannah Fox says Bianco told her matter-of-factly about the cuts and bruises as if they were just a part of the biz. When Fox disagreed she had managed a fetish nightclub and insisted that a BDSM film should never require actual physical injury Bianco pulled away.

Manson never sent her footage from that trip, and she or he says he made constant excuses for not yet releasing the video. Bianco’s marriage was falling apart, and Manson began telling her they were soul mates and showering her attentively, even texting her, You look really beautiful on the footage that we shot on the kneeler.

They began a long-distance affair. Manson would visit her on his trips to London and arrange for her to travel and occupy hotels in L.A. Get your lingerie and heels ready he wrote in one email. once they would meet, Bianco says, Manson would bite her during sex without her consent, leaving her whole body bruised. She says the singer called it kinky and she or he wanted to believe everything was normal.

During this era, Manson’s personal assistant, Ashley Walters, says she managed to travel for Bianco and other women, many of whom were also flown to L.A. with the promise of photoshoots or music videos. I was basically giving him a schedule of who’s at what hotel says Walters, who recently alleged that she too was a victim of Manson’s. I didn’t skill far the violence was going at the time.

In March 2011, two years after the music-video shoot, Manson asked Bianco to maneuver in with him and promised to assist her to get a visa while she found out her acting career. to assist with the immigration paperwork, his team gave her an agreement saying she would star as a nurse in his forthcoming feature, Phantasmagoria, with rehearsals starting in mid-July.

At that time, she remembers, her eyelashes were rupture from stress, and she or he was having daily panic attacks, all of which she chalked up to being aside from Manson the person she thought she was crazy with. She had also recently filmed the primary Game of Thrones season and was keen to land bigger Hollywood roles. There was nothing left to lose, so she thought, Why not get down the cliff and hope that something catches me?

Within roughly every week, Bianco had left her husband and moved from London to Manson’s West Hollywood apartment. She says there was a really brief honeymoon period during which Manson showered her attentively, but he soon began to regulate every aspect of her life. She says he dictated what she could wear she says he preferred her during a short pencil dress with stockings.

her sleep schedule I was often violently shaken awake should I’m going to sleep without permission she told the California Assembly, and when she could come and go from the apartment (she says she didn’t have a key. One night in May, Manson sent Walters a text saying someone had broken a glass in the studio which “Esme is gonna get the brunt of this. Don’t care.

I basically felt sort of a prisoner says, Bianco. I came and went at his pleasure. Who I spoke to was completely controlled by him. I called my family hiding within the closet. Bianco’s friend of 20 years Fraser Knight says he was terrified after she called him from a cupboard” and tried to put Manson’s behavior as annoying boyfriend antics. He worried that she would cut him off if he told her to go away the connection, and a few contacts seemed better than none during this case. I genuinely thought I’d never heard from her again he says, his voice breaking.

Others in Manson’s orbit also had to play by his rules. Whatever he’s doing, you ought to be doing, says Walters. “If he’s spinning out and staying up, you would like to remain up. And if he’s not eating, you only don’t eat. Walters says that since Manson was nocturnal, her workdays started around 7 p.m, and she or he once stayed up for 48 hours. He was doing many drugs and drinking tons, says Alex, a former member of Manson’s clique who has asked to use a pseudonym out of fear that the singer would retaliate against him. You never knew if it might be a mellow night or him up for 2 days straight.

Manson kept the house very cold within the low 60s  and always had blackout curtains drawn, consistent with Bianco, Walters, and Alex. Bianco says if anyone messed with the temperature, the singer would yell. The carpets and furniture were black and it had been so dark they often had to use flashlights and headlamps to urge around and had no idea what time of day it had been. But nobody challenged Manson since he could easily become angry and might start breaking things.

Everybody was dehumanized, says Walters. Everyone was constantly walking on eggshells Bianco says that when she moved in, she and Manson agreed to be monogamous. She quickly learned that wasn’t the case. Walters says that while Manson had sex with other women in his studio, she would be asked to stay an eye fixed on Bianco or get her out of the house. the previous assistant adds that the singer’s room contained a closet-size glass-walled space he called the bad girl’s room that Manson could lock from the surface.

He hated being alone, consistent with Walters, and was always surrounded by people and cocaine. She adds that she would bring him a tray in bed with a glass of absinthe and a line of cocaine after he awakened. That was breakfast, she said. The core included his bandmates, who at the time we’re staying there most nights recording the album Born Villain in his home studio Walters and therefore the various women who came and went. Manson’s mood dictated the evenings.

Sometimes he wanted to show on the smoke machine and party; other times they watched his favorite horror movies on repeat or sat around like hostages beholden to his violent tantrums. When famous musicians, actors, or directors would come across, everyone in his clique would need to put on our happy faces and confirm the place looked perfect, Walters tells me.

The Game of Thrones pilot aired during Bianco’s stay, and Manson would play her sex scene on a projector for guests; she would feel humiliated. Alex remembers the singer showing it a minimum of fourfold and saying, That’s my girlfriend, she’s a whore. Look, her tits are out. At one party, Manson lifted her skirt and spanked her butt, which was already covered during a bruise a flash Walters captured on-camera.

Bianco often wore lingerie or dresses around the house, and Alex remembers seeing bruises on her arms and back. He didn’t know if they came from consensual sexual experiences and was too scared of Manson to ask. on reflection, Bianco doubts she would have accepted any help. I think I might have made excuses for him she says. I was in survival mode at that time, and my brain had taught me to be small and agreeable.

Bianco spent roughly two months living with Manson, drinking heavily to cope. She was often during a dissociative state, hovering above life like I used to be watching it through a net curtain, she says, raising her hands ahead of her face. Once, she remembers, he repeatedly cut her torso with a knife. I just remember laying there, and that I didn’t fight it, she says. It was quite this final-straw moment where I had lost all sense of hope and safety. He sent a photograph of her cuts to Walters and one among his bandmates at the time, with the topic line See what happens?

Bianco says she was terrified and sort of a lot of violence survivors, she may need to develop a sort of Stockholm syndrome that warped her reality. She recently found a text message she had sent to Manson about her cuts and bruises. Every time I move they hurt so good thinking of you, it reads. Now, once I believe that I’m so ashamed she says. “I was desperately trying to please him and to stay myself out of trouble.

She says her verge of collapse came in May 2011, a month after she moved in when Manson chased her around the apartment with an ax. Walters remembers watching him threaten Bianco with the blade and says the actress seemed to have a scare and was visibly surprised.

Bianco started secretly trying to find apartments and left at some point in June while Manson was sleeping. At first, she thought they only needed some space, but a month later she broke up with him over email. I had so little dignity left, she says. I think that something inside me was a bit like, Have some kind of respect for yourself. She was afraid Manson would sabotage her work visa, which was awaiting approval.

after leaving the singer, Bianco went on to star in two more Game of Thrones seasons. Ros, her character, is controlled, threatened, and tortured by the lads around her in a number of the show’s most graphic scenes. In one, she is forced to whip a fellow prostitute with a belt and a wooden scepter. In another, her body hangs from a bedpost, bloodied by crossbow bolts. While actors often describe the intensity of shooting violent scenes, Bianco says she just felt nothing. She didn’t realize how triggering her role was until she began to unpack her experience with Manson years later.

In 2019, she tweeted an image of herself on the sport of Thrones set with fake wounds on her back. The image is eerily like a photograph from her real-world a gruesome picture she posted to Instagram an equivalent year, taken after Manson had allegedly whipped her. The caption reads The whipping that gave me these wounds was filmed within the name of art. I want to check out this photo proudly because I assumed it had been a symbol of great devotion to my abuser. Now I check out it with horror.

Once her character was killed off in 2013, Bianco began to audition for brand spanking new roles but struggled to land them. She was a multitude, affected by night terrors and panic attacks that made it impossible to eat or sleep, never mind get hired. I couldn’t intensify to satisfy that moment in my life due to what he’d done to me she says. Knight says that Bianco had always been ambitious and energetic but that after she met Manson, she started “living during a constant state of fear.

After their breakup, Bianco saw Manson a couple of more times publicly, including after one among his shows in 2013 when, she says, he blocked the doorway to space at the rear of his tour bus and refused to let her leave (Walters says she was there and waited until 5 a.m. for him to let Bianco go). She largely blamed herself for her uncomfortable feelings about the relationship Hadn’t I put myself in these situations?

I used to be dirty and deserved it. having the ability to call the alleged abuse was a slow journey that involved the Me Too movement, years of therapy and seeing Wood testify before Congress in 2018 about her own experiences with the singer. The parallels between their stories, and hearing Wood label Manson’s actions as domestic violence, made something click in Bianco’s brain.

In 2019, the 2 actresses joined forces. Frustrated by the very fact that they couldn’t press criminal charges against Manson because the alleged events had taken place quite three years earlier, they advocated for an extension of California’s statute of limitations on reporting domestic-violence offenses. The Phoenix Act, which extended the statute from three to 5 years, became a state law in 2020. Bianco’s attorney, Jay Ellwanger, says the actress has been interviewed by the FBI and gave agents evidence that would potentially be associated with human trafficking and sex crimes.

An FBI spokesperson told me that, We never confirm or deny investigations. Ellwanger is additionally watching the case through a trafficking lens since he says Manson had purchased her ticket to L.A. under the guise of shooting a music video. The lawyer says most trafficking laws are relatively new and are increasingly being applied to situations that overlap with violence, or in cases just like the one built against former NXIVM cult leader Keith Raniere that don’t involve buying or selling sex.

Two years ago, when Bianco first told her story publicly within the California Senate, she broke down some times. Although she didn’t name Manson, she was terrified that he would come after her. Now, she talks with a way steadier voice about how speaking out maybe a massive relief. She doesn’t hesitate to call Manson a serial predator who has been telling the planet for many years about what proportion he likes to harm women. He’s not a misunderstood artist, she tells me. He deserves to be behind bars for the remainder of his life.